Indian Celebration of Light

Today the Hindus are celebrating light - and the earthern lamps placed around their homes in hopes that they will illuminate individuals and societies burdened by ignorance and darkness. Deepavali or Diwali is today October 21st. I wonder if all of us prayed today along with the Hindus for all ignorance to illuminate, for all darkness to brighten - what a powerful force this would be in the world.

This is the long weekend bookended in between Jomo Kenyatta Day yesterday and something Mubarak on Tuesday so the city as I so love it, is empty. Looking down from my patio I happen to witness what looks like an African swimming lesson. And I know how cool and wonderful the water feels because I was doing just that yesterday in the heat of the day falling asleep after so many sleepless nights. I can feel my work schedule changing slightly so I am most productive from 8am-noon and then again from 5pm-10pm. For a few different reasons in the middle of the day I get tired and hot and grumpy.

And I am weaning myself away from the studio seeing if the team can make their salaries without me, with only the legacy of all the ideas that I hope are good and respectful so they can trade their own way. I think I actually get in the way really, in my fury and North American-ness mostly I think I make everyone nervous so I am starting to ask them, what can I offer? What do they need from me? Such is my fate being most motivated to help the people in the world who can least afford to pay me. How ridiculous. And I will likely always feel this way. If only I had whatever it is that Mother Theresa had. My commitment is deep enough but I remain conflicted thinking I should be buying things and flying places and being current with all the things that are.

If I don't find a partner by Xmas I have to leave and go back to work leaving the Kenyans on their own for a while. What the hell am I going to do? Who is going to say to me - yes we would love you to come here and share everything you know with us? The idea is so exhausting I can't bear it. And where? It's too bloody cold anywhere in Canada until May or July even for my liking. Southern California would work, or Atlanta which I like. I have a friend there and I do like America. Things work there. Everything is clean. Not forever but maybe for a while. Enshallah.

I love this photo - it makes me laugh.